The theme song for Indiana Jones' Temple of Doom played over the radio on the warm summer night. I was lost deep in thought and reflection about the epic evening that I'd just had and I almost forgot that I was driving. "Erch" I had to come to a lurching stop to avoid hitting two girls who were lackadaisically walking across the street enjoying the rare warm summer evening that had blessed us with it's presence. As I stopped, I breathed a sigh of relief, "phewf". You could see that both of the girls sighed too. They both looked like they had just seen their lives flash before their eyes. One of the girls dressed in a green maxi skirt, a white peasant top and a straw hat with a black bow atop her bobbed, dirty blond head, turned to face me and flashed the piece of paper in her hands at me. "Free Hugs" was printed in large, black, Arial, size 72 font across the page. I immediately smiled and gave them the thumbs up! She returned this reaction by blowing me kisses. They then crossed the street and we continued on our separate paths.
It is moments like these that inspire me to reflect on a little phenomenon called human social connection. It was at the time that I read the sign "Free Hugs" that we were immediately connected. We were a part of each others lives for a split second. For that brief moment we had the ability to impact the lives of one another. If I had plowed into them with my car or had frowned when I saw the sign "Free Hugs" this would have been a negative reaction. My reaction, the collective sigh of relief, the thumbs up and the blowing of the kisses was thankfully a positive reaction by everyone.
Whether your connection is just for a brief moment like it was with me and those two girls, or if it is with a co-worker, friend, or family member over a month, two years or a lifetime, it is connection that defines not only our everyday behaviours, actions, thoughts, feelings and beliefs, but arguably it is this connection that defines our entire society. Although it is short interactions that may impact you daily, it is the interactions of those that are closest to you that have the most impact.
Have you ever asked yourself, how open am I to talking to strangers? How connected am I? Every time I go out with coworkers for lunch I find myself running into at least one person I know from somewhere else. I have gotten a reputation for "knowing everyone". Yet how is that even possible? Of course I don't know everyone, I know a lot of people, but I definitely could know even more! Yet what prevents me or you from meeting new people? Why do we not talk to more strangers other than the fact that you are taught as a child not to?
A report on Communications and Engagement was just published by the Vancouver Foundation. It states that one of the biggest problems we have in Vancouver is not homelessness or unemployment, it is connecting with people. One of the major examples of this lack of connection as the difficulty people have with making new friends. If you reflect on the last time that you made a new friend can you recall it? Have we become so entirely "cliquey" in Vancouver that we have forgotten or perhaps never learned how to connect with new people?
Personally I am quite shy. I am the perfect balance of introvert and extrovert - don't ask me how - in social situations with new people I often lean more towards my introverted side and often am unable to make small talk with strangers. I wouldn't describe this as being cliquey, but I would describe it as a struggle with connecting to new people.
My friend L is, on the other hand, 100% extrovert! She is able to make friends better than anyone I have ever met and she is my hero in that regard! When I traveled to Europe for the first time, somewhere where I knew nobody, the only way that I survived was by pretending I was her. I kept thinking to myself, what would L do in this situation, would she sit on the bus in an empty row and not talk to all of the other people who are sitting by themselves for fear of rejection? I think not! She would walk straight up to them, sit beside them and say hello. She would have 30 new friends in a 10 minute smoke break - and that's not an exaggeration! And so, I decided to try a little experiment on a fairly recent trip to London.
Cruising along on a double decker tourist bus in the heart of London I originally sat by myself, then when I noticed that a guy had a map and was also sitting alone I leaned over, introduced myself and asked him what tourist attractions he had on his list. He had the same ones that I had and so we ended up hanging-out together for the entire day. It was probably one of the highlights on my trip! Touring the city with a complete stranger with no other intentions but to see the sights of London. We went to St. Paul's Cathedral and saw Sir John A. Macdonald's tomb. We toured by No.10 Downing street. We drove by Oxford Street (which I knew well and was able to point out my favourite shops to him) and eventually ended up at Harrod's where we enjoyed the most divine hot chocolates. After that we both went our separate ways. We never exchanged details nor did we have any real desire to really stay in touch. We were complete strangers in a strange land and we were connected by this and we will always be connected by this experience. It improved my day and neither of us had done it for any other reason but to not see London alone. This social connection was one that I will never forget and it all started from talking to a complete stranger!
The experiment worked! Yet since I've come back to Vancouver have I tried this experiment again? Not really. Clearly I'm not the only one. An interesting article was published January written by a guy named Jorge Amigo as a response to the Vancouver Magazine article "Do Vancouver Men Suck?" In this article he talks about the lack of connection between people in Vancouver. Perhaps the most interesting part of the article is that all of the non-Vancouver people that he tries to connect with in Vancouver aren't scared! In fact he even ends up be-friending some of them! I love my city, yet what has happened? Why are we unable to connect in a world that has been more connected then ever before?
My challenge to you is the same as Jorge's challenge to Pechakucha goers last Thursday evening, talk to a stranger, make a new friend, don't be afraid! After all, "when people connect magic happens" (Playground.is)!
PS. Here are some cool examples of what happens when people connect
- Rhizome Cafe
- #bemyamigo
- #bemyamigo
Great Stuff! As a stranger in a strange land (not Canada) where rudeness is so prevalent, I wonder what would happen if people adopted the "Free Hugs" concept.
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